September 2,2010

Make More Happen by Letting More In

The following is a guest post from my friend and colleague, Michele Lisenbury Christensen. She wrote it during one of the few warm spells in Seattle this summer, thus the reference to hot weather.

Lately, here in Seattle, the sun has been pouring out its sizzling blessings upon us, warming the earth and stirring activity in plants and people alike. And Monday night was the full moon. Having that zingy sundrenched buzz balanced out by the sweet softness of the moon’s blue glow last night reminded me how much we crave refreshment to align us amid our busy-ness.

We’re so hungry for softness, for shelter, for comfort. But in business, we don’t want to be. We’re in a constant battle against having that hunger. We yearn to be reassured, consoled, nourished. Loved unconditionally.

How very unprofessional! We think, “If I had it together I wouldn’t need all those things.” Our hunger is the messy, sloppy part of us that we keep trying to amputate, to very little success, so that we can get on with our business.

But we really do need those things. The needs come from the same place from which we provide for other people. They’re like the fuel gauge telling you your car needs more gas so it can keep driving.

In our businesses – or any creative endeavors - it’s tempting to think our solar side, our generativity, is the source of all that’s good. Cultural leanings and personal habits can predispose us to squelch any yearning for comfort or reassurance. We may only invite that moonbeam quality of nourishment and receptivity into our day as a last resort, only when we’re too exhausted to do otherwise!

For example, do you:

These are the ways we fight our hunger to receive. We fear we’ll become this black hole of need. If you open that door, it’ll be like a horror movie where the gates of hell have been opened and all that is holy is sucked away.

But your need to receive and your need to drive are two sides of the same coin. In the 12 Elements of Power I teach my clients, our power is delineated into six pairs of Elements. Driving is an Element of Power, and its counterpart is Receiving.

Our capacity for either is only as robust as our willingness to activate its mate. Wanna drive all-out? Be prepared to open up, receive, request, and feel. Otherwise, you’ll shut down the whole carnival. On the other hand if you want to Receive, to allow life to spill her blessings across your lap, the key to your desire is to be willing to drive, baby, drive in all the ways that are yours to do.

Driving, receiving, driving, receiving. It’s a graceful two-step we can dance all career long. When both Elements are active, our energy ebbs and flows in a sustainable way. Or, as so many of us do, we can turn the ballet into a herky-jerky careening mess:

Drive, overdrive, crash. Recover, lick wounds, overdrive some more. Crash again. Oh, and during the recovery: we might say we’re receiving, but it just ain’t so. We’re not so much using our Receiving power as we are sitting out our probation from using our Driving, having fried ourselves from overuse. In truth, all that masculine, generative action is sourced by the feminine side, just as our hands do work using the oxygen and energy pumped to them by the heart.

We’re nourished by our roots. Our driving side is like the branches of the tree. Receiving is like the roots of the tree, where the nourishment comes in, where the water is drunk and the minerals turn into what becomes the tree: it all takes place underground. That underground metabolism of nourishment is the feminine. That’s the receptivity. We can only generate new “leaves” in our businesses to the extent that we’re willing to receive through our roots.

Fall into your feminine. If my two year old son Cooper falls down, like he did as we were playing on the lawn last night, he lets me take him into my arms. He falls into me, crying, and lets me rock him back and forth, his body limp against mine, absorbing the pats and caresses and murmurs I shower upon him. His wide-open receiving lets him soak up that good mama juju, and soon he’s back on his merry way.

As the skies remind us, we need that solar and lunar rhythm of driving and receiving. The sun is invigorating. The moon is soothing.

There’s a way that the sun, the father archetype, the masculine face of God, calls you forward. You live up to IT. You are asked to drive to perform and be strong. It calls you to earn and achieve. It’s heating.

The moon, this mother archetype is less known in our culture. It’s the feminine face of the Divine. It’s liquid, not electric. The feminine is something that’s plentiful and replenishing for you. It’s Source, like a well you can drink from. It’s unconditional. It’s here for you.

The feminine is what you can fall back into. This is the side of the divine and of life and of your relationship with your own self that is not necessarily pushing you forward, but helping you replenish, feed your hunger, soften, and collect your strength.

As an entrepreneur, you’ll be well-served to open to your yearning for your mama – that sweet giving energy that’s always there for you. If you drink deep of the moon’s light when you’re thirsty, then when the sun rises again, you’ll be ready to rock & roll!

You can hop over to Michele's blog to read four steps to opening to the feminine for your nourishment.

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September 1,2010

When biz gets scary: How to play a bigger game without getting too big for your britches

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Last week a group of coaches challenged me to play a bigger game. To declare a larger vision for my business, acknowledge long term goals, and live up to my ability to plan for and achieve them.

I'm all over that, and yet...

Playing a bigger game sounds suspiciously like self-aggrandizement. Ego inflation. Playing Boss of the Universe. Not a good idea.

Perhaps you struggle with the same dilemma. You feel called to make a bigger difference in the world (and to show up bigger), but you can't see yourself actually doing it.

If you, too, are a reluctant visionary, this article is for you.

The first problem: who the heck are you to do this thing?
As soon as you declare a bigger game, you're agreeing to make a difference in the world. And who are you to do that?

In one sense, nobody. You're just a person like every other person, no more or less important.

But declaring a bigger game isn't about being important. It's about choosing to make a difference and doing what you can to bring it about. And this is where you are a very special somebody, because no one can make quite the difference you can make.

You have to be right-sized to accept that you're both a nobody and a somebody. Fortunately, you don't have to this perfectly.

The second problem: what's your game?
Your bigger game may not be immediately apparent. You will probably have to dig a bit to get at it. For one thing, all the fuss these days about being a rockstar is distracting. It can make it seem like bigger games are about getting more attention.

Getting more attention might be part of it, but it's not the key. The key to discerning your bigger game is to tune into your vocation.

Frederick Buechner defines vocation as the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet. This makes a solid foundation for deciding what game you are called to play.

If the game you envision requires you to do things you aren't happy doing, it's the wrong game. It's also the wrong game if it means you'll be happy but your game doesn't serve the world.

Happiness is not the same as pleasure
A happy game is not always a pleasurable game. Pleasure is a temporary feeling associated with gratification of desire. It's a lovely thing, but it's not the same as happiness.

Happiness has a more enduring character. It can be present in the midst of sadness or frustration. It comes from developing yourself and making your optimal contribution to the world.

The right bigger game for you will be pleasurable some of the time and fundamentally happy most of the time. (And you might have to do some digging to get at the happy part during challenging times.)

Service does not require depletion
You can't meet the world's deep hunger for long if you deplete yourself in the process. The right game will allow you to renew both your commitment and your energy and resources on a regular basis. The world does not benefit when you run yourself into the ground.

For Accidental Entrepreneurs this means planning so that you earn an income adequate not only for your basic needs but for a margin of comfort. Without that, you won't have the security to make your optimal contribution.

The third problem: arguing with the reality
In case you haven't noticed, arguing with reality is painful. As Byron Katie says, you lose, but only 100% of the time. So how do you do the bigger game thing without getting manhandled by reality?

The simple answer is acceptance.

To play a bigger game you need to accept two things: current reality and future possibilities. When you accept current reality, you find peace. (This doesn't mean you approve of reality, just that you're not arguing with it.)

When you accept future possibilities, you find peaceful ambition, the marriage of humility and desire. That's a wonderful place to come from and a good touchstone for whether or not you're in the game.

The fourth problem: showing up
Showing up, being an advocate for your bigger game is where the rubber meets the road. It means selling yourself and the world on your vision.

Not the whole world, mind you. Just the people you are here to serve, what I call your just-right clients.

To effect real change in the world, you need to persuade people of the merits of your vision. That's partly about earning enough to do your work, but it's also about taking a stand for what you believe in and spreading the word. Both involve selling.

It's an inside and an outside job
Knowing your game and consenting to play it is an inside job that will challenge you spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. It will also reveal exactly what you need to do to grow as a human being.

But playing your game is also an outside job. There's no game until you take action in the world. It's not enough to do good work. You need to make your good work known.

A word about mistakes
When you consent to play bigger you're going to make mistakes. Spiritual mistakes of pride, grasping, and envy. Material mistakes of investing time and energy in things that don't work. And relationship mistakes that result in misunderstanding and hurt feelings.

All of these mistakes are part of the game. No one is exempt. What is important is to keep returning to the principles of play. Practice being right-sized. Look for the intersection of gladness and hunger. Listen for guidance and let go of results.

And most of all, show up. Keep taking risks. The world needs you.

Practical help for your bigger game
I hope this post pushed a few buttons and awakened a peaceful ambition in you. Of course, it may not feel so peaceful if you don't know how you're going to make your game bigger.

There's help for that. In a couple of weeks 10 of the best practitioners I know come together in The Self Employment Telesummit. It's a different kind of event in that it includes daily coaching to help you apply what you learn to your bigger game.

If you're wanting to play bigger, I truly hope you'll consider the telesummit. Find out more about it at www.selfemploymenttelesummit.com.

PS: The early bird deadline is September 2. Just saying.

Photo by cobalt123 via Flickr
Under a Creative Commons License

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August 23,2010

Actually, you don't reap what you sow: The truth about thriving self employment

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It's not true that you reap what you sow. You reap what you sow and pay attention to.

Take my garden.

I'm an impulsive sort, so my evolution as a gardener began with somewhat slapdash, if enthusiastic, planting. I'd plant as soon as I got around to it in the Spring, usually a few weeks before or after the optimal time. And I pretty much trusted to time and nature for the rest.

My results were spotty, and that was okay with me. After all, I wasn't relying on my garden for survival.

Nonetheless, something in me wanted to create a more fruitful garden. So I became a better educated and more attentive gardener. The more attention I paid to the garden, the better it did, even when the weather was indifferent to my plans.

And it's the same with self employment.

Working for yourself is like growing vegetables
When you work for yourself, your results pretty much match the amount of informed attention you give to your business. While you can't control the economy, you can control how you position yourself in that economy. While you can't control people's choices, you can control how well you appeal to their concerns.

And you can absolutely control how well educated you are about succeeding and how attentive you are to what you are creating.

Education plus attention = results
I see a lot of people spending a lot of money on books, programs, and coaching to build their businesses and not getting very impressive results. I think there are two reasons for this.

First of all, educating yourself takes more than collecting information. You have to convert that information to knowledge by learning HOW to apply it. It's not enough to buy seeds, you need to know how to plant them.

Secondly, knowledge needs to be acted on over time. You need to nurture seedlings until they are mature if you want a harvest. It takes regular attention and action for knowledge to produce results.

And too often I see people invest in information (seeds) without getting the knowledge and systematic guidance it takes to turn those seeds into a harvest.

It makes me sad.

What kind of garden will you have?
The results you get from self employment are directly connected to the actions you take over time. And these actions are learnable, replicable, and within your grasp.

You don't need to sacrifice your values or get a personality transplant to become a better gardener. You do need to choose what kind of garden you're going to grow, and then do what it takes to grow it.

You may have a hobby business, where you're not relying on your income to meet your family's needs. That's your right. But even so, I propose that there is something beautiful about a well-tended business, just as there is something beautiful about a well-tended garden. Something artful and generous.

So, if you haven't yet made a conscious commitment to thriving, I invite you to do it now. I think you'll be amazed within a very short time at what happens when you apply yourself consistently to growing your business. And I believe the world will be a better place for it.

A few gardening tips
This has been one of the best years ever in my business, and it's because I have become a more systematic gardener. Surprisingly, being more systematic has made me more creative and energetic. Who knew?

Here are my best business gardening tips.

  1. Decide what you want to harvest. If it's not about the money, get very clear what it is about. When you know what kind of harvest you want, you're going to be a lot more intentional about creating it.

  2. Get real about what you need to reap that harvest. This is where money comes in. You're going to need a certain amount to have the security you need to do your best work. Figure out how much that is and decide to go for it.

  3. Decide what to plant. Are you going to offer hourly services? A package? Products? Classes? Play with various possibilities, comparing them to what you want to create and what you need to earn. Choose the ones you think will work best.

  4. Tend to your crops. This means figuring out what has to happen, when, and how often so that the choices you've made are successful. You don't have to get this perfect! Make your best assessment of what needs to happen, do it, then learn from the results you get.

  5. Harvest what you've grown. As you succeed, take the time to celebrate what you've accomplished. Acknowledge your progress. Notice what worked and enjoy what you've created.

You can be a more successful gardener. The question is, are you willing to be?

The path to garden mastery
If you've been working for yourself for a while, you've learned a few things about tending your garden. But perhaps there's a gap between where you are now and what you truly want to create. The Self Employment Telesummit is about closing that gap.

It's a virtual conference for people who want to get over the hump from getting by to shining profitability. It's designed to turn the information you've been gathering into the knowledge and wisdom you need to take focused, productive action and get measurable results.

If you're wanting something more out of self-employment, I invite you to check it out at www.selfemploymenttelesummit.com. If what you read resonates, I hope you will sign up. The world will be a better place for you having a more beautiful garden.


Photo by Downing Street via Flickr
Under a Creative Commons License

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August 13,2010

Why "The Secret" Hasn't Made You a Millionaire

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This article goes against much of what passes for spiritual teaching these days. It says that succeeding (even modestly) is hard work. It also says you can do it.

If self-employment isn't turning out the way you want, this could be the most important thing you read this year.

It begins with farming.

Reading the "Farmers' Almanac" won't make you a farmer
You wouldn't expect to transform yourself from a suburban gardener to a full-fledged farmer by reading the "Farmers' Almanac." For one thing, it's a hodgepodge of old wive's tales, raw data, and casual anecdote. Not the kind of guide you need for a complex endeavor.

And then there's the gap between reading it and doing it. Even if the instructions were great and you followed them perfectly, life would happen. Weather would romp across your fields. Insects would treat your crops like a fast food joint. Weeds would do their weedy thing.

It's the same with anything you do, including earning a living.

"The Secret" won't make you successful
Like the "Farmers' Almanac," "The Secret" is a hodgepodge of truth, partial truth, and myth. As such, it's an incomplete map of the territory between where you are and where you want to go.

"The Secret" suggests that the means for getting from where you are to where you want to go is invocation of spiritual laws.

Hogwash. Not that there aren't spiritual laws (that's the part that's true). But the human ego doesn't get to manipulate spiritual law for its own purposes. And, trust me, when you're wanting to attract something into your life, however exalted, your ego is involved.

The ego is not a bad thing
The ego is the engine of choice and action. It decides what we want and gets us into all sorts of messes along the way to getting it. And because we are both spiritual and material beings, we wrestle with the ego. We know that there is more to life than accruing wealth or power.

But here's the deal. Without the ego, there's no wrestling match. And the wrestling match is what life is all about. It's the vehicle for any transformation worthy of the name. Which, by the way, is why I claim that self-employment is a rigorous spiritual path.

So success, both material and spiritual, isn't about bypassing your ego (or pretending to) by invoking the Law of Attraction. It's about engaging your ego in the creation of your life and work.

It starts by deciding what you want to create
Here's one place where "The Secret" and I agree. Creation begins with deciding what you will create. And why on earth would you compromise on this piece? Choose something that makes your heart sing, and be sure to include the material resources you'll need to play the accompaniment.

You might ask if it isn't arrogant to make an audacious choice. And yes, it would be, if you believed you could command your choice into being. But, in fact, you are only the junior partner in the act of creation. And junior partners get to do the scut work. Which brings us to the next step.

Decide how you're going to create
What are you going to do to get results? No passive "manifesting" here. You're going to need something more concrete here than positive thinking. As the junior partner in the business of creating, you're responsible for making what you want take form in the physical world. That's why you have a body. And a brain. And emotions that, well, that motivate you.

You know, or can find out, what you have to do to build what you want, so no excuses.

Do the thing
Start building. Start where you can with what you have. Keep track of what you do so you can learn what works and what doesn't.

And, by the way, keep doing the thing. It's been said that magic is the marriage of intention and action. I would add iteration. Very few things work the way you expect the first time out. The beauty is that you get to keep trying.

A word about energy and inspiration
Creating takes time and effort. Sometimes you even have to start over. That means you will need ongoing sources of energy and inspiration.

But sometimes they won't be there.

In real life, vision fades. Confidence flags. Energy drops. But that doesn't have to mean the end of creating. When you know that there will be bumps and slumps, you won't take them so personally. You can plan for them, which won't take away the ickiness, but will help you stay with it until things are looking up.

You can do this
I don't know if you can be a millionaire. I rather doubt that you want to be. But I know for certain that you can create more of what you want, more reliably, than you probably are now. And the key to doing that is to get into action.

I do believe that all the Universe is here to support you. The only question is whether you are bold enough to do your part.

Photo by Scott Butner via Flickr
Under a Creative Commons License

Addendum
A little bird told me I really should tell you about The Self Employment Telesummit. It's not likely to make you a millionaire, either. And it is likely to help you get over the hump from getting by to shining profitability. Check it out here.

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The dangers of being jaded

So, I'm dead set against magical thinking. But there's also danger in being jaded. Here's a quick take on the importance of believing in good things.

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August 6,2010

When you hit a wall, hang a left

Sometimes, in spite of your best intentions to take focused action, you run into a wall. When that happens, hang a left.

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Creating the good life: Why it's your moral responsibility to choose and pursue prosperity

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May I ask you a personal question?

Are you earning enough to be secure and comfortable, to live without worry about how you'll cope with the inevitable surprises that life throws your way?

Many of the Accidental Entrepreneurs I work with are not. They're getting by. Paying the bills (most of the time). But they don't have enough for extras like travel or study, nor do they have savings to draw on when the unexpected happens.

They're under-earning, and if you're among them I want to shake you up. (Yes, again.)

Contribution is job one
Let's get one thing clear first. I believe with Aristotle (how's that for exalted company?) that living well means living up to your potential so as to make the greatest possible contribution to your world. And he would not define potential in terms of accruing wealth, but in terms of acquiring wisdom.

In the good life, the pursuit of personal wealth plays only a supporting role. It's purpose is to provide us with:

"...enough to free us from basic concerns about putting bread on our tables, clothes on our backs, and roofs over our heads. Further, we need enough to be comfortable and the have adequate savings, for without a sense of security, we won't have the peace of mind needed to concentrate on higher pursuits."

(From Creating the Good Life, Applying Aristotle's. Wisdom to Find Meaning and Happiness, by James O'Toole.)

You may say that our culture is preoccupied with acquiring and spending wealth. You could even say it's a disease of our times.

But if you're reading this, that's not your problem. Your values and actions are squarely seated in the service of higher pursuits. Meaning. Family. Service. Beauty.

For you, the moral challenge may be earning enough to concentrate on those higher pursuits.

It's your job to gather resources in service of your values
If you are under-earning out of reaction against our consumer-driven society, you've cut the tie between the economic means to live well and your ultimate values. That erodes your motivation to tend to business. It legitimizes any fears you might have about putting yourself out there, turning them into virtuous avoidance of crass commercialism. It makes resistance to marketing and sales a badge of honor.

But when you understand what it takes to live up to the ends you seek, tending to business becomes part of your mission. Earning an ample income is revealed to be the honorable means toward an estimable end.

I claim it's a moral responsibility.

How to make the connection at a gut level
Even when you get the connection between right-earning and contribution, it can be hard to act on it from day to day. It takes commitment and practice to draw motivation and momentum for business from your higher pursuits.

Here's one way to do that.

First, ask what you care about. What makes the work you do imperative? My favorite way to get at this is to ask, "What makes me crazy?" (For me, the answer is seeing the epidemic of under-earning among heart-based professionals.)

Next, ask yourself, "What am I going to do about it?" The answer probably looks a lot like what you are already doing--or want to do--in the world.

Then ask, "What resources, both material and spiritual, do I need to do this generously and well?"

Finally, ask, "What do I need to do in order to obtain those resources?"

Getting over The Hump
When you work for yourself, it can take a couple of years to achieve the right level of prosperity. That's natural. But if you've been at it for a while and you are still struggling, it's time to get over The Hump.

That brings me to this year's Self Employment Telesummit. The theme is "Over the Hump: Going from Getting By to Shining Prosperity." (Shining, if you recall, was the theme of last week's article, which you can read HERE.)

There's a free preview of the telesummit on Thursday, August 19. My guest will be Dave Navarro, and we'll be talking about how to charge premium prices for your work. I hope you'll join us. Sign up at selfemploymenttelesummit.com.

While you're there, take a look at this year's offer. Early registration is over on September 2. That may seem like a long way off, but August has a way of flying by. If you're needing help to get over The Hump, you may want to sign up now.

As my new best friend Aristotle says, "The end is not knowing, but action."

Image: The School of Athens
Public domain via Wikipedia

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August 2,2010

Shining: How to believe in your own success


Photo credit: Dad :)

Quite a few years back I had one of those quasi-mystical experiences that shakes you up and refocuses your life. I don't remember where I was or what I was doing, yet the moment of realization is as clear now as it was then.

It's a bit scary to share this, but here goes. I realized that I wanted to be a star.

Not a rock star or movie star, but a star in the sky. I wanted to shine.

A few years later I came across a photo I've shared here before. It's of five-year-old me on the beach at Santa Monica. For me, it captures the essence of shining. I keep it on my desk to remind me of who I am and what I'm here to do.

This is about you
So far it probably sounds like this is about me, but it's not. It's about you and who you really are. And it's about you succeeding as a human being and a person who's self-employed.

Because the secret to success isn't what you do. It's living what lights you up. When you are alight with with enthusiasm, self-trust, and joy, it is easy to see and take the steps you need to take to succeed.

Of course, shining isn't always easy
Even if you believe that, at bottom, everything is perfect, you know that shining isn't always easy. Weeks and months can go by when you forget that you are a star. And somehow I have to think that's okay.

It's okay because the human journey is about teaching each other to shine. Every time you forget and remember who you are, you learn a bit more about embodying the light. And what you learn infuses your work, your relationships, and your choices with meaning. It makes your work unique, and it makes you an ever brighter star.

Earth to Molly
My work is not just to talk pretty. It's to be a translator. To learn how to succeed at business and re-imagine it in authentic and creative ways. If I don't translate shining in a practical way, something you can take action on, I haven't done my job.

So here's what I want you to do
This week I want you to put yourself out in the world in a bolder, brighter way. That doesn't mean being noisier. It means doing one of those things you know you ought to be doing to market or sell--and doing it as if you are a being of light.

Here's what that means.

Let's say you've been putting off starting a blog. Go to Blogger.com or Wordpress.com and open a free account. Go with the easiest set up you can find.

Then ask yourself what you know and how you know it. If you are a bodyworker, deeply connect with what you know about your work. Reflect on how you know this; not just what you learned in training, but what you've learned from experience.

If you're a graphic designer, think about something that drives you crazy about do-it-yourself design. Something that you know could be remedied with the guidance of a professional. Then give that guidance.

Whoever you are and whatever your field, imagine sharing your knowledge generously. Then write it down.

That's practice in shining.

It's not about blogging
You can practice shining when you tell people what you do. (Start by doing this in your imagination, and it will get much easier to do it in person.)

You can practice shining in your emails. (When you answer an email, try starting with a thank you.)

Wherever you've been struggling to follow through with self-promotion, that's where you can practice shining.

Don't wait until you know how
All you need to practice shining is the merest inkling of what I'm talking about. You know times when you have simply shone. You know what that feels like in your body and looks like on your face (at least from the inside).

Practice that. Bring that to the steps and tools of marketing and sales. And let me know how it's going here, in the comments.


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