Is your business caught in the feel good trap?

January 22, 2010 4:24 PM

So, imagine you're crossing a stream. Half way across, you decide you don't feel like stepping on the next rock. You're just not in the mood. So you don't. And you don't step on the one after that.

Do you expect to get to the other side?

Of course not. But that could be how you're relating to self-employment.

The feel good trap
One of the traps self-employment can set for us is believing that it should feel good. Even if our work pulls us out of self-absorption, it's easy for the feel-good trap to keep us from doing less appealing things. Like marketing. Or selling. Or bookkeeping.

Perhaps it is the intimate connection between our emotions and our work that tricks us into thinking that self-employment ought to feel good.

It's a dangerous belief.

When you believe self-employment should feel good, you enter a vicious cycle of make-wrong. It starts with not feeling like doing whatever needs to be done. When you avoid the task, your momentum slows. When momentum slows, enthusiasm drops. And pretty soon you're feeling even less like working on the project than when you started. And then you berate yourself for procrastination.

And it all started because you thought you needed to feel god about doing something.

Why feeling good isn't relevant to taking action
The fact is, you don't need to feel like doing something to do it, not even to do it well. Our moods are actually rather poor indicators of how well we will do on a specific task. More important is being clear about what we want to accomplish and choosing the next step to getting there.

Like writing this article. Sometimes writing just flows. And sometimes my brain feels like mush and I can't remember where I put my authentic voice.

But experience has proven that putting it off doesn't help. The longer I avoid writing, the harder it gets.

And every time I choose to focus my attention on the next indicated step, the writing is good enough, and often even better than that.

I'm not talking about stuffing your feelings.
You probably already know that stuffing your feelings makes trouble. Whatever you send underground leaks out somewhere else, usually in embarrassing or destructive ways.

What I'm talking about is accepting your feelings and then taking the next step in the creative process. Because every aspect--not just the obvious ones--of self-employment is part of a creative process.

This means getting some distance between you and your moods and emotions. Just enough space that you are not completely identified with your feelings. Enough wiggle room that you can make creative choices, one step at a time.

How to get out of the feel good trap
Okay, so how exactly do you do that?

Recognizing that you don't need to feel good (or "feel like it") to take action is the first step. This in itself unhooks you from your emotional state.

Next, understand that momentum comes from an accumulation of small actions, not from big, enthusiastic pushes followed by grinding to an unenthusiastic halt. When you really get this, you can take baby steps regardless of how you feel. And those baby steps add up. (Like jotting down a few ideas for this article. And then putting one sentence after another without insisting that they be "right.")

When the way you feel is getting in the way of taking action, tuning into your body can help. Notice how your emotions are showing up in your body. What is the sensation in your belly, your chest, your shoulders or jaw? Paying attention to these things makes you more aware of how your feelings are affecting you. And awareness leads to change.

Refocus your attention. When your attention is locked onto how you feel, you can't pay attention to what you are trying to accomplish. Remind yourself why this is important. Not to overwhelm yourself with significance, but to clarify what you are up to. Then identify the next step in the process and take it. Don't wait until you can take it perfectly, just take it.

Talk it out. Have a buddy or mastermind group you can talk to when your emotions take over. Reporting what is going on can often create the distance you need to get unstuck.

Self employment is a creative act
Self employment is a creative act. Whether you are creating an income stream, a marketing piece, or a benefit for one of your clients, the rules of creating apply. One of them is to watch out for the feel good trap.

For more help escaping the feel good trap, check out Stephen Nachmanovitch's Free Play, Improvisation in Life and Art and Robert Fritz's Creating. Yup, this is a repeat recommendation. They're essential reading for self employed creatives.

Photo: istockphoto.com

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Comments

Once again timely and spot-on for what I need to hear today/this week/ this month. Great reminder that the entire self-employment picture is the act of creating, not just the parts we "feel like doing." Thank you for the kick into reality.

Posted by: Bobbye Middendorf at January 26, 2010 10:10 AM

Bobbye-- So true. How ironic that we, who are creative spirits, forget that.

Posted by: Molly Gordon at January 29, 2010 1:11 PM

Molly, this is a well thought out post. I particularly enjoyed this advice. "Not to overwhelm yourself with significance, but to clarify what you are up to." Although I agree that this is one approach that will work for us to follow-through I think there is another. Have you considered tapping into your original source of inspiration for creating the project as a way to actually feel good while creating? I know that we don't have to but I also know that it works when we can stimulate ourselevs to feel good.

Posted by: Tom Volkar / Delightful Work at March 3, 2010 8:50 AM

I like your baby steps advice.
My "If you are going to do it, do it right" attitude (perfectionist) sometimes gets in the way of my "just do it" attitude (pragmatist).
Especially when the perfectionist attitude has a way of slowing things down. Feeling good should have nothing to do with studio work. If I relied on good feelings to finish a project, finishing would be impossible. In fact the opposite to good feelings is an important dynamic in studio work. A successful exhibition (lots of sales) is a great source of "good feelings".

Posted by: James Lane at January 18, 2011 7:53 AM

Beautifully put, Molly.
I was on the phone yesterday with an old friend who has delayed taking critical steps in launching his business - for years. Each day it becomes harder. Waiting . . . waiting . . . strengthens his belief that taking the next step is a BIG deal. It's not. Small actions repeated over time build the momentum. Thank you for the wisdom.

Posted by: Eric at January 18, 2011 8:27 AM

Thank you! I really needed to hear this today. I am working from home preparing for a solo show in the spring. I was just procrastinating by reading email instead of working, and came upon your post...

Your right, even though I don't "feel like" working today, it's the step I very much need to take at this moment...

Now, off too work!

Posted by: Abby at January 18, 2011 10:16 AM

Molly, thanks for this article it is so true. I'm going to use it to bring more awareness to the whole process I go through to get business related things done.

The way this issue has played out in my life is that I've bounce between my internal parent and child. If I pulled out the parent and applied discipline in pretty short order the child would come in with a strong "I don't wanna" and action would come to a halt. In recent years I've avoided the whole cycle by not utilizing the parent. Unfortunately without either inspiration or the parent I get stuck in inaction.

As I said above I'm going to work with your process and if you have insight into other ways to work with the internal parent child shuffle, as I know I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who gets hijacked by it, that would be great!

Posted by: Julia at February 4, 2011 8:25 AM